Fear

Along with the feelings of grief, I have an overwhelming feeling of fear. I fear that I will have to suffer the pain of losing a child again. I fear that I will never have a living child. I fear that I will one day hear "I'm sorry, but you can't physically have children."  Some days I don't want to continue on this journey to start our family and there are some days where hope is non-existent. There are days when the statistics of pregnancy and infant loss are too daunting and discouraging. Despite the fear, something keeps me going. I've always wanted to be a mom and the longer we try the more I yearn for it. I can literally feel the hole in my heart that will only be filled when I am able to hold my child in my arms. I have this picture in my mind of a sweet (and stubborn) red headed child running around our home, that gives me hope. That is what keeps me going everyday.

It's weird how things show up at exactly the right time. I was just taking a break from writing and logged onto Facebook. I saw a post about this article written by one of the Heartstrings staff members, Defining Hope. The article is being featured on Still Standing magazine, a great resource for grieving families.

On a side note, many people ask me if we have considered adoption. Yes we have, but we aren't ready to start on that particular journey just yet.

Until next time friends...