Envy and jealousy are emotions that resonate all too loudly within the baby loss community. It is an emotion that everyone (baby loss or not) wrestles with in one way or another, but those of us that have lost our children know it all too well.
I struggle with envy and jealousy everyday. I still hurt when I see a pregnant woman, my heart aches for my children when I see a newborn baby and my heart breaks all over again when I see a mother doting over her child. It's a normal emotion, but it affects too many facets of my life. To the point where it has affected my relationships, including my own marriage. I have shied away from social settings that may trigger any sort of painful reminder. I have apologized one too many times for avoiding my closest friends.
The reason I write about this particular topic is because of this article: New Envy Arises. I always wonder if the feelings will fade once I do have a healthy child. This writer thought that as well and then all of a sudden a variation of that feeling came back. I share her envy. I pray that those expecting mothers never have to feel the pain that we feel. I envy those mother's naivety.
Envy and jealousy are normal emotions, but it's important for us to recognize when it may be taking over our lives. I'm thankful that I have recognized it and am taking steps to work through it. Being involved with my Heartstrings group has helped me to work through these feelings, but I feel that it will be something I wrestle with for some time to come. I pray for those of you that may be dealing with the same struggle.
I, too, struggle with these two emotions. Not particularly in this world, but in many many more. I honestly really struggled with announcing I was pregnant again because of my blog friends, like yourself, out there. I can only imagine the feelings you must feel. Stay strong Suzi. You are a beautiful person and these emotions are completely normal!
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